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Book _ A s 7 



THE 



OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE: 

OR A ^.J^L^-^ 

NARRATIVE OF THE CAPTIVITY ' 

OF 

THOMAS ANDROS, 

(now pastor of the church in BERKLEY,) 
ON BOARD 

THE OLD JERSEY PRISON SHIP 

AT NEW YORK, IT 81. 

IN A SERIES OF LETTERS TO A FRIEND, SUITED TO 

INSPIRE FAITH AND CONFIDENCE l^N A 

PARTICULAR DIVINE PROVIDENCE. 



'' O may our lips and lives make known, 
Thy goodness and thy praise." 




BOSTON: ^, 

PUBLISHED BY WILLIAM PEIRCE, 

JVo. 9 Cornhill. 

1833. 






Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1833, by 

William Peirce, 
in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of Massachusetts, 



Press of Wm. Peirce, 

No. 9 Cornhill, — Boston. 



LETTER I 



Introduction — His Captivity — Old Jersey — Reflections 
first night below — His opinion of the Revolutionary 
cause and Privateering — Fearful mortality — Burial of 
the Dead, &c. 

Virgil represents jEneas as soothing the 
breasts of his afflicted companions with this re- 
mark, " Perhaps the recollection of these things 
will hereafter be delightful." But to afford 
real pleasure, the remembrance of hardships 
and sufferings must be connected with some 
principles and facts, which cannot apply to 
every child of sorrow. The daring achieve- 
ments of which the pirate may boast, and the 
fearful calamities he may have suffered, can 
never be truly delightful in a serious recollec- 
tion, but a source of the keenest anguish. On 
this principle there is no escape from misery to 



4 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

such as never repent of their crimes. The re- 
collection of their mad and impious deeds must 
be tormeiiting as long as they remain conscious, 
rational beings. Two things in such a recol- 
lection, if it be a source of real comfort, must be 
true ; a consciousness, that the cause in which 
we suffered was just and good, and a sense, that 
the help, by which we were sustained and our 
deliverance effected, was the bestowment of a 
gracious and compassionate Creator. 1 had a 
full conviction at the time, that the Revolution- 
ary cause was just. I was but in my seven- 
teenth year, when the struggle commenced, and 
no politician ; but even a school-boy could see 
the justice of some of the principles, on the 
ground of which, the country had recourse to 
arms. The colonies had arrived to the age of 
manhood. They were fully competent to gov- 
ern themselves, and they demanded their free- 
dom, or at least a just representation in the na- 
tional legislature. 

For a power three thousand miles distant' to 
claim a right to make laws to bind us in all cases 
whatever, and we have no voice in that legisla- 
tion, this, it seemed, was a principle to which 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 5 

two millions of freemen ought not tamely to 
submit. And as all petitions and remonstrances 
availed nothing, and as the British government, 
instead of the charter of our liberties and rights, 
sent her fleets and armies to enforce her ar- 
bitrary claims, the colonies had no alternative, 
but slavery, or war. Appealing to Almighty 
God for the justice of their cause, they chose 
the latter. Whether I approved the motives 
that led me into the service, is another ques- 
tion, which I shall presently notice. As to the 
strength given to sustain my toils and suiFer- 
ings, and the deliverances granted, I had a pow- 
erful conviction that these were the gift of the 
great fountain of all good. 

In the following narrative, our highest gratifi- 
cation, as we would hope, is to give glory to 
that kind and merciful Providence, which alone 
could have rescued me in the midst of so many 
deaths. 

I would speak not so much of anything I my- 
self achieved, as what the God of love and pity 
performed. 

In the summer of 1781, the ship Hannah, a 
very rich prize, was captured and brought into 
*1 



b THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

the port of New London. But in this case it 
was far worse than in common lottery gambling, 
for it followed, that there were thousands of 
fearful blanks to this one prize. It infatuated 
great numbers of young men who flocked on 
board our private armed ships, fancying the same 
success would attend their adventures ; but 
no such prize was ever after brought into 
that port. 

But New London became such a nest of pri- 
vateers, that the English determined on its de- 
struction, and sent an armament and laid it in 
ashes, and took fort Grisvvold on the Groton 
side of the river, and with savage cruelty put 
the garrison to the sword, after they had surren- 
dered. Another mighty blank to this prize was, 
that our privateers so swarmed on the ocean, 
that the British cruisers, who were everywhere 
in pursuit of them soon filled their prisons at 
New York to overflowing with captured Ameri- 
can seamen. 

Among these deluded and infatuated youth, 
I was one. I entered a volunteer on board a 
new Brig, called the Fair American, builton pur- 
pose to prey upon the Britisli commerce. She 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. * 

mounted sixteen carriage guns, and was manned 
vviih a crew, whosenumbers exceeded what was 
really her compliment. The quarterdeck, tops 
and long boat were crowded wiih iiiusketry, so 
that ill action she was a comj)lete flame of fire. 
We had not been long at sea before we discov- 
ered and gave chase to an English Brig, as 
large as ours, and in appearance mounted as 
many guns. As we approached her she saluted 
us v/ith her stern chases, but after exchanging 
a {e\M shots, we ran directly along side, as near 
as we could and not get entangled in her top 
hamper, and with one salute of all the fire we 
could display, put her to silence. And thanks 
be to God, no lives were lost. 

I5 with. others, went on board to man the 
prize and to take her into port. But the prize 
master disobeyed orders. His orders were, not 
to approach the American coast, till we had 
reached the longitude of New Bedford, and 
then to haul up to the northward, and with a 
press of sail to make for that port, but he aimed 
to make land on the back of Long Island ; the 
consequence was, we were captured on the 27th 
of August, by the Solebay Frigate and safely 



8 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 



Stowed away in the Old Jersey Prison ship, at 
New York. 

This was an old sixty-four gun ship, which 
through age had become unfit for further actual 
service. She was stripped of every spar and 
all her rigging. And after a battle with the 
French fleet ; and her lion figure-head was taken 
away to repair another ship, no appearance of 
ornament was left, and nothing remained but an 
old, unsightly, rotten hulk. Her dark, and filthy 
external appearance perfectly corresponded with 
the death and despair that reigned within, and 
nothing could be more foreign from truth than to 
paint her with colors flying, or any circumstance 
or appendage to please the eye. She was moor- 
ed about three quarters of a mile to the eastward 
of Brooklyn ferry, near a tide-mill on the Long 
Island shore. The nearest distance to land was 
about twenty rods. And doubtless no other ship 
in the British navy, ever proved the means of the 
destruction of so many human beings. Tt is com- 
puted that not less than eleven thousand Amer- 
ican seamen perished in her. But after it was 
known, that it was next to certain death to con- 
fine a prisoner here, the inhumanity and wicked- 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 9 

ness of doing it was about the same as if he had 
been taken into the city and deliberately shot on 
some public square. But as if mercy had fled 
from the earth, here we were doomed to dwell. 
And never while I was on board, did any How- 
ard or angel of pity appear to inquire into, or 
alleviate our woes. , Once or twice, by the or- 
der of a stranger on the quarter deck, a bag of 
apples were hurled promiscuously into the midst 
of hundreds of prisoners crowded together as 
thick as they could stand, and life and limbs 
were endangered by the scramble. This instead 
of compassion was a cruel sport. When I saw 
it about to commence, I fled to the most distant 
part of the ship. 

On the commencement of the first evening, 
we were driven down to darkness between decks 
secured by iron gratings, and an armed soldiery. 
And now a scene of horror, which baffles all 
description presented itself. On every side 
wretched, desponding shapes oi men could be 
seen. Around the well room an armed guard 
were forcing up the prisoners to the winches, to 
clear the ship of water, and prevent her sinking, 
and litde else could be heard but a roar of mu- 



10 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

tual execrations, reproaches and insults. Du- 
ring this operation there was a small dim light ad- 
mitted below, but it served to make darkness 
more visible, and horror more terrific. In my 
reflections I said, this must be a complete image 
and anticipation of Hell. Milton's description 
of the dark world rushed upon my mind : 

" Sights of woe, regions of sorrow, doleful 
Shades, where peace and rest can never dwell." 

But another reflection inflicted a still deeper 
wound. How came I here ? From what mo- 
tives did I go in quest of British property on the 
ocean f The cause of America I did indeed 
approve, and as to the business of privateering, 
considered as a national act, I did not see the 
force of that reasoning, by which some good 
men condemned it. 

If it be right to inflict a wound, on a nation 
with whom we are at war, it is right, thought I, 
to strike at their commerce. Is it not the object 
of war to bring a wicked nation to a sense of 
justice by the infliction of pain ? Strike then 
where they will feel most sensibly.* 

* What I have here related I would not have pass for 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 



11 



But was it real love of country or a desire to 
please my Maker, that prompted me to engage 
in this service ? My conduct was indeed legal- 
ized by my country, but what better than that of 
a pirate was my motive f I could not stand be- 

niy riper and more sober thoughts of war. I do now 
condemn war in all its causes and forms, except that of 
absolute self-defence. And even in this case, a people 
ought to act by the Christian spirit and rule, to be slow 
to anger, to be long suffering, to put up with many inju- 
ries and insults rather than to have recourse to war. It 
is a desperate remedy, and generally far worse than the 
disease. And if at last, in self-defence we must strike, 
let the blow be as mild and mixed with as much mercy as 
possible. However falsely ambitious and wicked men 
may reason about the doctrine of self-defence, and mis- 
apply it, to justify war in all cases, I am not prepared to 
surrender it. For, in this surrender, it appears to me 1 
do necessarily give up the possibility of maintaining 
civil government. I must believe with Saint Paul, that 
the sword is the proper badge of the civil magistrate, and 
even God requires he should so use it as to be a terror to 
evil doers. Rom. 13. 

To speak of civil government as itself guilty of murder 
when the law punishes capitally the man who has shed 
the blood of his neighbor, is, I believe, to commit the 
crime of speaking evil of dignities, and borders more on 
insanity, than sound Scripture or re^ison. 



12 THE OLD /ERSEY CAPTIVE. 

fore this" self scrutiny. At the bar of God and 
my own conscience I was condemned. 1 cried 
out, *' O Lord God, thou art good, but 1 am 
wicked. Thou hast done right in sending me 
to this doleful prison ; it is just what I deserve." 
I could indeed plead that sordid avarice was 
not my sole motive, but curiosity — a love of en- 
terprize, a wish to witness something of " the 
pomp and circumstance of war," to gaze at what 
kept the world awake, had an influence; but 
this was but a slender palliation. I was so over- 
whelmed with a sense of guilt, that I do not re- 
collect, that I even asked for pardon, or deliver- 
ance at this time. 

When I first became an inmate of this abode 
of suffering, despair and death, there were about 
four hundred prisoners on board, but in a short 
time they amounted to twelve hundred. And 
in proportion to our numbers, the mortality in- 
creased. 

All the most deadly diseases were pressed 
into the service of the king of terrors, but his 
prime ministers were dysentery^ small-pox, and 
yellow fever. There were two hospital ships 
near to the Old Jersey, but these were soon so 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 13 

crowded with the sick, that they could receive 
no more. The consequence was, that the dis- 
eased and the healthy were mingled together in 
the main ship. In a short time we had two 
hundred or more sick and dying, lodged in the 
the fore part of the lower gun deck, where all 
the prisoners were confined at night. Utter 
derangement was a common symptoui of yellow 
fever, and to increase the horrdr of the darkness 
that shrouded us, (for we were allowed no hght 
betwixt decks,) the voice of warning would he 
heard, " Take heed to yourselves. There is a 
mad man stalking through the ship with a knife 
in his hand." I sometimes found the man a 
corpse in the morning, by whose side I laid my- 
self down at night. At another time he would 
become deranged and attem.pt in darkness to rise 
and stumble over the bodies that every where 
covered the deck. In this case 1 had to hold 
him in his place by main strength. In spite of 
my efforts he would sometimes rise, and then I 
had to close in with him, trip up his heels and 
lay him again upon the deck. While so many 
were sick with raging fever there was a loud 
cry for water, but none could be had except on 



14 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

the upper deck, and but one allowed to ascend 
at a time. The suffering then from the rage of 
thirst during the night was very great. Nor 
was it at all times safe to attempt to go up. 
Provoked by the continual cry for leave to as- 
cend, when there was "a (ready one on deck the 
sentry would push them bnck with his bay- 
onet. By one of these thrusts, which was 
more spiteful and violent than common, I had a 
narrow escape of my life. In the morning the 
hatch-ways were thrown open and we were al- 
lowed 10 ascend, all at once and remain on the 
upper deck during the day. But the first ob- 
ject that met our view in the morning was a most 
appalling spectacle. A boat loaded with dead 
bodies, conveying them to die Long-Island shore 
where they were very slightly covered with 
sand. I sometimes used to stand to count the 
number of times the shovel was filled with sand 
to cover a dead body. And certain I am that 
a few high tides or torrents of rain must have 
disinterred them. And had they not been re- 
moved, I should suppose the shore, even now, 
would be covered with huge piles of the bones 
of American seamen. There were, probably,^ 



i 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 15 

four hundred on board, who had never had the 
small pox, — some, perhaps, might have been 
saved by inoculation. 

But humanity was wanting, to try even this 
experiment. — Let our disease be what it would, 
we were abandoned to our fate. Now and 
then an American physician was brought in as a 
captive, but if he could obtain his parole he left 
the ship, nor could we much blame him for this. 
For his own death was next to certain, and 
his success in saving others by medicine in 
our situation was small. I remember only two 
American physicians who tarried on board a 
few days. No English Physician, or any one 
from the city, ever, to my knowledge, came 
near us. There were thirteen of the crew, to 
which I belonged, but in a short time all, but 
three or four were dead. The most healthy 
and vigorous were first seized with the fever and 
died in a few hours. For them there seemed 
to be no mercy. My constitution was less 
muscular and pletiioric, and I escaped the fever 
longer than any of tlie thirteen, except one, and 
the first onset was less violent. 

There is one palliating circumstance as to 



16 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

the inhumanity of the British, which oue;ht to 
be mentioned. Tlie prisoners were furnished 
with buckets and brushes to cleanse the ship, 
and with vinegar to sprinkle her inside. But 
their indolence and despair were such that they 
would not use them, or but rarely. And, in- 
deed, at this time, the encouragement to do it 
was small. For the whole ship, from her keel 
to the tafferel, was equally affected, and con- 
tained pestilence sufficient to desolate a world ; 
disease and death were wrought into her very 
timbers. At the time I left, it is to be presumed 
a more filthy, contagious, and deadly abode for 
human beings, never existed among a Chris- 
tianized people. It fell but little short of the 
Black Hole at Calcutta. Death was more lin- 
gering, but almost equally certain. 

The lower hold and the orlop deck were 
such a terror, that no man would venture down 
into them. Humanity would have dictated a 
more merciful treatment to a band of pirates, 
who had been condemned and were only 
awaiting the gibbet, than to have sent them 
here. Bin in the view of the English we were 
rebels and traitors. — We had risen against the 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 17 

mother country in an unjust, and wanton civil war. 
On this ground they seemed to consider us as i 
not'^entitled to that humanity, which might be ex- 
pected by prisoners taken in a war with a for- 
eign nation. Our water was good, could we 
have had enough of it ; our bread was bad in 
the superlative degree. I do not recollect see- 
ing any which was not full of living vermin ; 
but eat it, worms and all, we must, or starve. 
The prisoners had laws and regulations among 
themselves. In severity they were like the 
laws of Draco, Woe to him that dared to tram- 
ple them under foot. 

A secret, prejudicial to a prisoner, revealed 
to the guard, was death. Captain Young of 
Boston, concealed himself in a large chest be- 
longing to a sailor going to be exchanged, and 
was carried on board the cartel, and we consid- 
ered his escape as certain ; but the secret leak- 
ed out and he was brought back, and one Spi- 
cer of Providence being suspected as the trai 
tor, the enraged prisoners were about to take 
his life. His head was drawn back, and the 
knife raised to cut his throat, but having obtain- 
ed a hint of what was going on below, the 
*2 



18 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

guard at this instant, rushed down and rescued 
the man. Of liis guilt at the time, there was 
to me, at least, no convincing evidence. It is a 
pleasure now to reflect that I had no hand in 
the outrage. 

If there was any principle among the pris- 
oners that could not be shaken, it was the love 
of their country. I knew no one to be seduc- 
ed into the British service. They attempted 
to force one of our prize Bi'ig's crew in- 
to the riavy, but he chose ratlier to die, than 
perform any duty, and he was again restored 
to the prison-ship. 

Another rule, the violation of which would 
expose the offender to great danger was, not to 
touch the provisions belonging to another mess. 
This was a common cause, and if one com- 
plained that he was robbed, it produced an ex- 
citement of no little terror. 

Another rule was, no giant like man should 
be allowed to tyranize over, or abuse another 
who was no way his equal in strength. 

As to religion, I do not remember of be- 
holding any trace of it in the ship. I saw no 
Bible, — heard no prayer, — no religious con- 



^cr ' v^». :..... *;^^ 



...A 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 19 

versation, — no clergyman visited us, though no 
set of afflicted and dying man men more need- 
ed the light and consolHtions of religion. But 
the Bethel-flag had not yet waved over any 
ship. I know not that God's name was ever 
mentioned, unless it was in profaneness or blas- 
phemy ; but as every man had almost the cer- 
tain prospect of death before him, no doubt 
there were more or less, who, in their own 
mind, like myself, had some serious thoughts of 
then accountability, — of a future state, and of 
a judgment to come ; but as to the main body 
it seemed, that when they most needed religion, 
there they treated it with the greatest contempt. 
I wish it to be understood, that what I have 
said of this horrid prison relates almost exclu- 
sively to the time I was on board. Of what 
took place before or afterward, 1 say litde. To 
all I do relate ,the words of the Latin poet are 
in some degree applicable. 

" Which things, most worthy of pity I myself saw, 
And of them — was a part." 

Nor would 1 heap the cruel horrors of this 
prison-ship as a reproach upon the whole nation 
without exception. It is indeed a blot which 



20 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

a thousand ages cannot eradicate from the 
name of Britain ; but no doubt, when the pious 
and humane among them came to know what 
had been done, they utterly reprobated such 
cruelty. Since that time, the nation has so 
greatly improved in Christian light, feeling and 
humanity, tliey would not now treat even rebels 
with such barbarity ; and it is expected that 
this remark will be realized in their treatment 
of all other countries, who may wish and strug- 
gle to obtain the blessings of freedom and inde- 
pendence. 

While on board almost every thought was 
occupied to invent some plan of escape, but 
day after day passed, and none presented that I 
dared to put in execution. But the time had 
now come, when T must be delivered from the 
ship or die. It could not be delayed even a 
few days longer ; but no plan could I think of 
that offered a gleam of hope. If I did escape 
with my life, I could see no way for it but by 
miracle. 



LETTER II 



Death in appearance unavoidable — Escape from the ship 
by means unexpected — Concealment in a swamp — 
Shapes his course for the east end of the Island — 
Village resounding with martial music — Dwelling 
house mistaken for a barn — Sufferings during the night 
— Escape from being re-captured by two dragoons. 

In the close of my first letter it was observ- 
ed, that if I did escape, it seemed it must be 
by miracle. This remark was founded on the 
following facts. 

1. If I continued on board a few days, or 
even hours longer, the prospect was certain 
death. For I was now seized with the yellow 
fever, and should unavoidably take the natural 
small pox with it ; and who does not know, 
that I could not survive the operation of both 
of these diseases at once ? I had never expe- 
rienced the latter disease in any way, and it 



22 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

was now beginning to rage on board the Old 
Jersey, and none could be removed. The hos- 
pital ships being already full of the sick, the 
pox was nearly ripe in the pustules of some, 
and I not only slept near them, but assisted in 
nursing those who had the symptoms most vio- 
lently. In a very short time my doom must 
have been settled had I remained in the ship. 

2. The arrival of a cartel and my being ex- 
changed, would not help the matter, but render 
my death the more sure. When a list of the 
names of the prisoners was called for on board 
the frigate, by which we were captured, I step- 
ped up and gave in my name first, supposing, 
that in case of an exchange, I should be the 
sooner favored with this privilege. And the 
fact indeed was that no exchanges took 
place, but from the port of New London. 
And former exchanges had left me the first on the 
roll of captives from this port j — and I dreaded 
nothing more than the arrival of a cartel, for 
numbers would be put on board and sent home 
with me from the hospital ships, whose flesh 
was ready to fall from their bones in this dread- 
ful disease ; and, indeed, I had no sooner made 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 23 

my escape than a cartel did arrive, and such 
dying men were actually crowded into it ; and 
it was evidently the policy of the English to re- 
turn for sound and healthy men, sent from our 
prisons, such Americans as had but just the 
breath of life in them, and were sure to die be- 
fore they reached home. The guard were 
wont to tell a man, while in health, " You have 
not been here long enough, you are too well to 
be exchanged." 

3. There was yet one more conceivable 
method of getting from the ship, and that was, 
the next night to steal down through .. gun- 
port, which we had managed to open when we 
pleased, unbeknown to the guard, and swim 
ashore. But this was a most forlorn hope ; for 
I was under the operation of the yellow fever, 
and but just able to walk, and when well, I 
could never swim ten rods, and should now 
have at least twenty to swim. Besides, when 
in the water, there was almost a certainty I 
should be discovered by the guard and shot, as 
others had been. 

In this situation, what wisdom or what finite 
power could save me ? If I tarried on board 



24 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

I must perish ! If put on board the cartel ev- 
ery hour expected, I must perish ! If I at- 
tempted to swim away, I must ! If utter de- 
spair of life had now taken hold of me, who 
could have said there was no ground for it ? 
But now it seems that God who had some- 
thing more for me to do, than to perish in ihat 
ship undertook for me. 

" When helpers fail and foes invade, 
God is our all-sufficient aid." 
Mr. Emery, the sailing master, was just now 
going ashore after water ; without really con- 
sidering what I said, and without tiie least ex- 
pectation of success, I thus addressed him, 
" Mr. Emery, may I go on shore with you after 
water?" My lips seemed to move almost in- 
voluntarily, for no such thing to my knowl- 
edge had ever been granted to such a pris- 
oner. To my surprize and the astonish- 
ment of all that heard him, he replied, " Yes, 
with all my heart." I then descended immedi- 
ately into the boat, which was in waiting for 
him. But the prisoners came to the ship's side 
and queried, " What is that sick man going on 
shore for ?" And the British sailors endeavored to 
dissuade me from it, but never was counsel so 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 



25 



little resisted as theirs, and to put them all to 

silence I again ascended on board ; — but even 

this was an interposition of a kind Providence, 

for I had neglected to take my great coat, 

without which I must have perished in cold 

and storms. But I now put it on and waited 

for the sailing master, meaning to step down 

again into the boat just before him, which I didj 

and turned, my face away, that 1 might not be 

recognized and another attempt be made to 

prevent my going. The boat was pushed off 

and we were soon clear of the ship. I took 

an oar and attempted to row, but an English 

sailor took it from me, and very kindly said, 

" Give me the oar, you are not able to use it, 

you are too unwell." I resigned it and gave 

up myself to the most intense thought upon my 

situation. I had commenced the execution of 

a plan, in which if I failed, my life was gone ; 

but if I succeeded, it was possible I might live. 

I looked back to the black and unsightly old 

ship, as an object of the greatest horror. " Am 

1 to escape, or return there and perish," was 

with me the all absorbing question. I believed 

in a God whose plans and purposes were eternal 
3 



26 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 



and immutable, and I had no doubt but that 
with him my bounds were set and my destiny 
unalterably fixed. Oh that I could know how 
he intended to dispose of me, that I might 
struggle with the hope of success, or resign 
myself to my fate. 

But this train of thought was soon terminat- 
ed by the consideration, "that secret things be- 
long to God ;" and that all my present concern 
was action, or the application of the proper 
means of escape, — and now we had ascended 
the creek and arrived to the spring where the 
casks were to be filled, and I proposed to the sail- 
ors to go in quest of apples. I had before told 
them that this was my object in coming on shore, 
but they chose to defer it till the boat was load- 
ed ; and as they did not exact any labor of me, 
this was just as I would have it. I thought I 
could do quite as well without their company 
as with it. 

The sailing master passing by me very kind- 
ly remarked, "This fresh air will be of service 
to you." This emboldened me to ask leave to 
ascend the bank, a slope of about forty-five de- 
grees and thirty feet in height, terminating in a 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 



27 



plain of considerable extent, and to call at an 
house near by for some refreshment. He said 
'' Go, but take care and not be out of the way." 
I rej/ii d, "My state of health was such that 
there was nothing ti> fear on that score." But 
here, 1 confess, 1 violated a principle of honor 
for which I could not then, nor can 1 now en- 
tirely excuse myself. I feel a degree of con- 
scious meanness for treating a man thus, who 
put confidence in me, and treated me in such a 
manner as shewed he was a gentleman of sen- 
sibility and kindness. But the love of life was 
my temptation ; but this principle is always too 
great, when it tempts us to violate any principle 
of moral rectitude and honor. And should I 
even now learn that my escape involved him in 
any trouble, it would be a matter of deep re- 
gret. Not long after my arrival at home, I sent 
him ray apology for what 1 did by a British offi- 
cer, who was exchanged and going directly to 
New York. 

I consider him as God's chosen instrument 
to save me, — and to him as such I owe my hfe. 

When the boat returned, the inquiry was 
made by the prisoners, (as I was afterwards in- 



28 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 



formed,) •' Where is the sick man that went 
with you ?" The English sailors consoled them- 
selves ,with this reply, " Ah, he is safe enough, 
he will never live to go a mile." They did not 
know what the Sovereign of hfe and death could 
enable a sick man to do. 

Intent on the business of escape, I surveyed 
the landscape all around. I discovered at 
the distance of half a mile, what appeared to 
be a dense swamp of young maples and other 
bushes. On this I fixed as my hiding place ; 
But how should I get to it, without being discov- 
ered and apprehended before I could reach it. 
I had reason to think the boat's crew would 
keep an eye upon me ; and people were to be 
seen at a distance in almost every direction. 
But there was an orchard which extended a 
good way toward the swamp, and while I wan- 
dered from tree to tree in this orchard I should 
not be suspected of any thing more than search- 
ing after fruit. But at my first entrance into it 
I found a soldier on sentry, and I had to find 
out what his business was, and soon discovered 
he had nothing to do with me, but only to 
guard an heap of apples ; and now I gradually 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 



29 



worked myself off to the end of the orchard 
next to the swamp, and looking round on every 
side, I saw no person, from whom I might ap- 
prehend immediate danger. 

The boat's crew being yet at work under 
the bank of the creek, and out of sight, I stepped 
off deliberately, (for I was unable to run, and 
had 1 been able, it would have tended to excite 
suspicion in any one that might have seen me, 
even at a distance,) and having forded the 
creek once or twice, I reached the swamp in 
safety. I soon found a place which seemed to 
have been formed by nature on purpose for 
concealment. . An huge log, twenty feet in 
length, having lain there for many years, was 
spread over on both sides, with such a dense 
covering of green running briars as to be imper- 
vious to the eye. Lifting up this covering at 
orie end, I crept in close by the log, and rest- 
ed comfortably and securely, tor I was well de- 
fended from the north-east storm, which soon 
commenced. 

When the complete darkness of the night 
had shut in, and while raining in torrents, I be- 
gan to feel my way out. And though but just 



30 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

able to walk, and though oft thrown all along 
into the water by my clothes getting eniangled 
with the bushes, yet I reached the dry land, 
and endeavored to shape my course for the 
east end of Long Inland. In this 1 was assist- 
ed by finding how New York bore from me by 
the sound of ship bells, and the din of labor 
and activity, even at that time of night. 

Here let me remark, how easy it is with God 
to cause men to do good, when they intend no 
such thing. Without my great coat, it would 
have been scarcely possible to have survived 
the tempest, rain and cold of this night in the 
month of October. But had not the prisoners 
endeavored to prevent my going in the boat, and 
caused me to ascend again into the ship, I 
should have left it behind. Little did I. then 
think what good Heaven meant to bestow on 
me, by the trouble they then gave me. 

I soon fell into a road, that seemed to lead 
the right way, and when during the night I per- 
ceived I was about to meet any one, my con- 
stant plan was to retire to a small distance from 
the path, and roll myself up as well as I could 
to resemble a small bunch of bushes, or fern. 



THt; OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 31 

By this expedient, I was often saved from re- 
capture. 

This road soon brought me into quite a pop- 
ulous village, which was resounding with drums 
and fifes, and full of soldiers, but in great mer- 
cy to me it rained in torrents, so I passed 
through in the midst of the street in safety. 
Here I would remark, once for all, that I was 
then so entirely unacquainted with the particu- 
lar geography of Long Island, that I could not 
name the places where the events of my nar- 
rativive happened, nor shall I now attempt to 
do it. By an accurate map before me, it is 
possible I might decide what village this was, 
but I shall let it pass without a name. — It would 
not have been any great mark of wisdom to 
have stopped when passing through it, and in- 
quired of these fifers and drummers, what was 
the name of the place. 

Being sick and greatly exhausted by the ad- 
ventures of the day and night, it now became 
absolutely necessary to seek a place of rest, 
and a barn to me was now the only palace in 
which I dared to enter. I stepped up to the 
door, of what I took to be such a building, and 



ItgkM.Jnil'iiV'fi^Lii: J '. 



33 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

was just about to open it, when my eye was 
arrested by a white streak on the threshhold, 
which I found to be the light reflected from a 
candle, and I heard human voices within. But 
human voices were now to me the objects of 
the greatest terror, and I fled with all the speed 
I possessed. 

Coming to another barn, I discovered an 
high stack of hay in the yard covered with a 
dutch cap, I ascended and sunk myself down 
deep in the hay, supposing 1 had found a most 
comfortable retreat. But how miserably was I 
deceived. The weather had now cleared up, and 
the wind blew strong and cold from the north- 
w»st,and the hay was nothing but coarse sedge, 
and the wind passed into it and reached me as 
if I had no protection from it. I had not a dry 
thread in my clothes, and my sufferings from 
this time to about eleven o'clock the next day, 
were great, — too great even for health, but I 
had to encounter them under the operation of a 
malignant fever, which would have confined me 
to my room, if not to my bed, had I been at 
home. 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 83 

A young woman came into the yard and 
milked a cow, just at the foot of the tower where 
I lay concealed ; but I had no eye to pity, or 
kind hand to alleviate my distress. This 
brought home with all the tender charities of 
mother, sister, and brothers to my recollection, 
with a sensibility 1 could feel, but cannot de- 
scribe. The day was clear and grew more 
moderate, and the coast being clear also, 1 left 
my cold and wretched retreat, and deliberately 
made off for the woods, at the distance of half 
a mile. However, before I descended I had 
seen prisoners who had escaped from the ship, 
re-taken and carried back. But their mistake 
was, they would go two or more in company. 
But 1 would have no companion, it would ex- 
cite suspicion, and render concealment more 
difficult, and under the kind Providence of God, 
I chose to be my own counsellor, and to have 
none to fall out with in the way, as to what course 
we should pursue. 

Having entered the woods, I found a small, 
but deep dry hollow, clear of brush in the cen- 
ter, though surrounded witli a thicket on every 
side. Into this the sun shone with a most de- 



34 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

lightful warmth. Here I stripped myself naked, 
and spread out my clothes to dry. 

Being too impatient of delay, I regained the 
road just as the sun was setting, but it came 
near to proving fatal ; for I discovered just 
ahead, two light dragoons coming down upon 
me. At first it seemed, escape was impossible. 
But thai God, who gave me a quickness of 
thought in expedients that seemed to go quite 
beyond myself, was present with his kind aid. 

1 now happened to be near a small cottage, 
and a corn-field adjoining the road. — I fained 
myself to be the man of that cottage, — the 
owner of that corn-field. And getting over the 
fence, I went about the field deliberately pick- 
ing up ears of corn that had fallen down, and 
righting up the cap sheaf of a stack of stalks. 
The dragoons came nigh, eyed me carefully, 
though I affected to take no notice of them, and 
passed on. They were probably in search of 
me. 

I had lost my hat overboard, when in the 
Old Jersey, and had thenceforward to cover my 
head with an handkerchief. I deemed it a 
calamity at the time, but as an act of Providence 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 35 

the mystery now began to be unfolded. Hav- 
ing no hat but an handkerchief about my head, 
helped to deceive the dragoons, and cause them 
to think I was the cottager, who owned that 
corn-field. 



LETTER III 



Subsists upon fruit — Escape from falling inta the hands 
of a guard — Attacked by a kennel of dogs — The value 
of a barn — The roughness and meanness of an old 
man — The benevolence and kindness of a woman — 
Encampment of soldiers — The day passed on a stack 
of rye under a dutch cap — Extensive plain, falls into 
the hands of a British light-horseman — Providential 
escape, but soon finds himself in the midst of a party 
of horse and foot. 

To lie concealed during the day, and to 
travel at night, was my practice, till I had got 



36 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

far towards the east end of the Island. For 
several days I had not taken an}' nourishment, 
but water and apj3les. I found late pears and 
was pleased with their taste, but they operated 
as an emetic, quicker than ipecac. A subacid 
apple sat well on my siomach, and w^as very re- 
freshing, though had I been sick at home with the 
same disease, I should have probably been de- 
nied this favor. Indeed, from what I expe- 
rienced in the free use of water, ripe fruit, 
unfermented cider found at the presses, &:c., 1 
was led to suspect, that a great deal of the kind 
nursing of persons in fever, was an unnecessary 
and cruel kind of self-denial. But I supposed 
nature would sink witiiout some other kind of ali- 
ment. But the first attem[)t to act upon this prin- 
ciple would have proved fatal, had it not been for 
a kind prqvidential interference. 

Late in the evening, I stepped up to an house 
CD the road, and lifted my hand to rap, but the 
door folded inward, and evaded my stroke, and 
a lady appeared with a light in her hand. I 
besought of her a draught of milk, she replied, 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 37 

" that there was then a guard of soldiers in the 
house, and they had consumed it all." The 
business of this guard was to keep a look-out 
towards Long Island sound, and their sentries 
were on the opposite side of the house. Had 
I rapped and been met by one of this guard 
instead of the lady, what would have been the 
result ? And by whose arrangement did the 
incident so happen that 1 escaped ? 

Pursuing my journey, I came to a place where 
the road parted. One branch turned off through 
a lofty grove of wood ; the other ascended a 
gentle rise towards a house near by. I knew 
not which to take ; but that leading towards the 
house, best suited my general course. But 
coming up, near the house there issued forth 
from the out-buildings a greater kennel of dogs 
than I had ever before seen, and assaulted me 
with a furious yelling. I stopped short, drew 
up my hands as for as ! could out of their reach, 
and stood still. They snapped at me very spite- 
fully with their jaws within a few inches of my 
body. Aud now what should I do } To have 
attacked them, or fled precipitately would have 
been instant destruction. I concluded to take 
4 



38 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

no notice of them, but to turn about gently and 
take the other road, as if there was no such 
creature in the world as a dog. — I did so, and 
they followed me for about twenty rods, snap- 
ping at me, and seeming to say, " You shall 
not escape, we will have a taste of your blood." 
And in this design, there seemed to be a perfect 
union, from the great bow-wow, down to the 
yelping spaniel. But at last they all ceased lo 
roar, bid me good-night and disappeared ; and 
I was not much grieved at the loss of their 
company, and their music. It was a concert 
in which all the discords in the whole staff were 
put in requisition. 

The next place where the reader will find 
me, is a barn. And indeed, I never knew the 
full value of such a fabrick till now. Who can 
sufficiently eulogize its utility ; were I a poet, 
its praises should not go unsung. In a feeling 
personification, I would hail thee as full of mer- 
cy to the brute creation, defending them from 
the stormy blasts and chilling frosts of winter. 
Nor would I stop here ; for to how many 
wretched wandering human beings hast thou 
been a kind retreat. Denied, even the hearth 



THE 0?,D JERSEY CAPTIVE. 39 

of a hard-hearted avarice, and proud unfeeling 
luxury, they had perislied in the high way, had 
not tliy hospitable doors been open for their re- 
ception. To tliee, as tlie nrieans of protection 
from floods of rain and cold, l owe the preser- 
vation of my life. 

Had Iventured into the habitations of men, 
instead of those of the horned ox, my escape 
hjfd been impossible. Soon after escaping the 
fury of the dogs, in this peaceful abode, I took 
up my lodgings for the night. A man coming 
into it in the morning, I made bold to slide 
down from the hay loft ; and after making some 
apology for trespassing upon his premises, I 
asked him, if it was probable I could get some 
refreshment in the house. He seemed to think 
I could. I then entered the house and stated 
my wants ; but as I did not design to be a mean, 
dishonest beggar, first get what I wanted, and 
then say 1 had nothing to pay, or sneak off and 
say nothing about pay, I told the family I had 
but three coppers with me, so that if they gave 
me meat or drink, it must be done merely on 
the score of charity. But the woman seemed 
to be thinking more about providing something 



40 THE OLD SEtlSEY CAPTIVE. 

for the relief of a wretched sutferer, as I must 
have appeared to her, than about money. But 
the old man was troublesome with his ques- 
tions. He said it was but a few days ago two 
men called at his house and told a story, which 
was found to be ail false, and at last he ob- 
served, out right, " I believe thee also is a 
rogue," but the woman, would now and then 
as he pressed hard upon me, check him and 
say, "do let him alone," she had no questions 
to ask. All she wanted was to feed me ; and 
had it not been for her, I know not what the 
crabbed old man would have done with me. 

And here, O woman, in gratitude to thy sex, 
let me, with the famous Ledyard remark, that 
while I have found man too often rough and 
cruel, when I have been a suffering stranger, 
or have been borne down with discouragement 
and sorrow at home, I have seldom found thee 
otherwise than gentle, kind and humane. .Af- 
ter I had taken my refreshment, I said to the 
old man, " I thank you for your kindness. 
Here are the three coppers, all T have to carry 
me a long journey." He did not take them but 
said, ''You may give tliem to tiiat litde girl." 



■jA^'^l^l 




THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 41 

She took them, but If she was illiberal and 
mean, the old man made her so. I left the 
house and going a short distance, a spacious 
plain opened to view, and on it, by the tents I 
saw, I concluded there was an encampment of 
soldiers. 1 therefore turned aside into the field, 
ascended a stack of rye, covered with a dutch 
cap, and here 1 remained all the day, it being 
very stormy ; but in the evening I looked out 
from my hiding place, and beheld a most lovely 
moon-shine had succeeded the storm. The 
tents had all disappeared, and I took up my 
journey over the plain. 

Sometime in the latter part of the night, I 
reached the East end of it, and saw before me a 
number of buildings, though before this, I had 
not seen any on the plain. But no sooner had 
I come up to the first house, than I was drawn 
into a scene of the utm.ost peril. In the midst 
of the road there was a blacksmith's shop ; on 
the north side there was a lane forming a right 
angle with the road, and leading up to an house 
about twelve rods from it. To the westward of 
the house, about eight rods distant stood the 
barn, and a lane leading from the house to it ; 



42 THE OLD JERSEY (. APTIVE. 

and in the square, three sides of which were 
formed by the road and these two lanes was 
the garden, and in the corner of this garden 
near to the house, 1 discovered a number of 
bee-hives ajid I coveted some of tke honey. I 
went first up to the house, and though the door 
was open, I saw no light and heard no noise. 
But I deemed it prudent, not to climb over the 
fence, just at the door of the house to get at 
the bees, but to take the lane down to the barn, 
and there to get into the garden and come up 
under the cover of the fence to the bee-house. 
This I did not then call stealing, for I was in an 
enemy's land and might make prize of what-, 
ever I could lay my hand upon. But this opin- 
ion [ now fear, will not stand the test of the day 
of judgment. 

Having just stepped into the barn-yard, and 
not suspecting the least danger, I saw a great 
number of horses tied all around the yard with 
all their manes and docks cut in uniform. I 
stood motionless for a moment, and began to 
say to niyself " What does this mean ? Can 
one farmer own so many horses?" But before 
the thought was finished, and as unexpected as 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 43 

a flash of lightning in a clear day, a dragoon 
coming out of the barn with his burnished steel 
glittering in the bright rays of the moon stepped 
up to me and challenged, " Who comes there?" 
I answered, " A friend." But before he could 
say a friend to wliom, a plan of escape must 
be formed and put in execution. It was formed 
and succeeded. Before he could ask the se- 
cond question, I roaied out as if I were angry, 
" Where is ihe well, I want to get some water ?" 
Taking me from this seemingly honest and fear- 
less query to be one of the party, he showed 
me the well, and I went to it deliberately, drew 
water, and escaped out of his hands. The fact 
was, as I soon found, this was a detachment of 
horse and foot going out on the Island for fo- 
rage, to be conveyed to the army at New York, 
and doubtless he supposed me to be a person, 
a waggoner perhaps attached to it. And here 
again I found the great advantage of losing my 
hat. Having an handkerchief tied about uiy 
head, helped on the deception. 

The hand of Providence was here very 
striking in two things. The instantaneous inven- 
tion of a plan of escape in such an unexpected 



44 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 



emergency. And taking from me every emo- 
tion of fear, T was naturally timid, but here I 
knew not what fear was, but had the most perfect 
command of myself. A Jitile hesitancy, — a 
little faultering thiougli fear would have been fa- 
tal. After leaving the well, I went down the 
lane into the road near to the blacksmith's shop. 
At this moment four of the party came out 
from behind the opposite side of the shop in full 
view at the distance of about three rods from me. 
I stood motionless and said to myself, " All is 
now lost." 

But their attention was taken up with a small 
dog, with which they were sporting. But as 
they did not come at once and seize me in the 
brightness of the moon-light, I began again to 
conceive hope and edged away to the fence, 
and rolled through between the two lower rails. 
Soon afterward the men said, " Let us go to 
the barn and turn in," and immediately disap- 
peared. Their sporting with the dog, in itself 
was a trifling circumstance, but to me it was a 
great event. It saved my life, — to me in the 
hour of despair it brought deliverance. 

Stretched along as close as I could lie to the 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 



45 



lower rail of the fence, I took a little time to 
survey my situation on all sides, and to discover, 
if 1 could, any opening for escape. If I at- 
tempted to save myself by going out into the 
open field, 1 must be discovered by the sen- 
tries and picked up by a dragoon. If I re- 
mained where I was, it wc uld soon be day-light, 
and I could not be mistaken for pne of the 
party. About thirty rods ahead 1 discovered a 
large house illuminated from the ground floor to 
the garret. This I was sure must be the main 
bivouac of both infantry and^ horse, and wag- 
gons were in numbers passing on to this house. 
At last I hit upon this plan, when another wag- 
gon should pass I would rise and lay hold of it 
behind, and let it carry me forward into the 
midst of the party, and they would suppose me 
to belong to it. The driver sitting under cover, 
forward, would not be able to see me. — 
When the next waggon passed I attempted to 
get hold of it, but could not overtake it, and 
was left alone in the midst of the road and con- 
siderably advanced towards the house just men- 
tioned, as the general rendezvous. And now 
as no other mode of escape offered, I resolved 



46 ^HE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

to walk boldly and leisurely into, and through the 
midst of the throng of men and horses, and . 
waggons, and seniries, and pass a^vay if 1 could. 
The plan succeeded, — i passed fearlessly, with 
great deliberation, erect, and firm without any 
shyness through the midst of them. Some 
eyed me carefully, yet no one said " Who art 
thou .^" And I was soon out of sight and hid 
in a dense prim-bush fence, lest a suspicion 
should arise that a strange man had passed, and 
a dragoon should pursue me. 

Twenty miles farther to the eastward, I nar- 
rowly escaped falling again into the hands of 
this same party. Had I not without any knowl- 
edge or intention of my own, happened to take 
another road, I should have met them in full 
march on their return, and being in the day- 
time, escape would have been next to impos- 
sible. As it was, my road bought me on to the 
ground, where the night before they had cho- 
sen to bivouac, and I found their fires still 
burning. 

After leaving my hiding place in the prim- 
fence, I soon found myself in a large orchard in 
quest of fruit, I had examined nearly every 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE 47 

tree and found none. But just as I was about 
to give up the search, I lit upon a tree, where 
the ground was covered with the fairest and the 
richest species of Bpple I ever tasted. They 
refreshed me as if they had been gathered from 
paradise, having neitiier eaten nor drank any 
thing for a considerable time. How all the other 
fruit in the orchard should have been gathered 
in, and the produce of this uncommonly ex- 
cellent tree left, struck me as a kind of mys- 
tery. It was no miracle, but it was a mercy 
to a wretched sufferer then burning up with 
fever and thirst. — I now sought for and took up 
my lodgings in the birth-place of my Saviour. 
Prosecuting my journey on a succeeding 
evening, I happened to lie opposite to an house 
standing a little out of the road. Before Iwas 
aware of the danger a dragoon met me and 
stopped so near, I could have put my hand on 
his holsters. Now, thought I to myself, " I am 
taken," but what a blessed thing it was I lost 
my hat. The old dirty handkerchief about my 
head, saved me again. From this appearance, 
taking me to be the master of the house near 
by, he says, " Have you any cider ?" " No 



48 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

sir" was my reply, ^' but we expect to make 
next week ; call then and we shall be glad to 
treat you." This said, we each went his own 
way. 

Commencing my journey at another lime, 
early in the evening, 1 was accosted by a man of 
a stern appearance and address, standing on the 
door-step. He wished to know whence 1 came 
and where bound. I told himl had just sailed 
out of New York, bound lo Augustine in Flo- 
rida, and was driven ashore by an American 
privateer, a little to the eastward of Sandy- 
Hook, and was making my way down to Hunt- 
ington, where I belonged. " What," says he, 
" You belong to an American privateer ? I 
wonder you have not been taken up before ?" 
By this it seems he would have apprehended 
me had he known what I was. He was, no 
doubt, a Long Island tory. But I replied, 
" Sir, you mistake me, I did not say 1 belong- 
ed or had belonged to an American privateer. 
I meant to say I belonged lo an English vessel 
out of New York, and had been driven ashore 
by such a privateer. Then, without further 
ceremony I passed on, and he did not attempt 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 49 

to Stop me.* And now again I sought rest and 
concealment, as it grew late in the evening, and 
again I found it in a barn. But I had now by- 
exposure contracted a violent cough, and could 
not suppress it, though deep sunk in a hay- 
mow. The owner coming into the barn in the 
morning, licard me, but he offered me no dis- 
turbance, and I hoped it would have been my 

* When I had g-ot clear of (he Prison-ship and commenced 
my journey to the East end of tire Island, one of my first con- 
cerns was, to frame a story that might serve to prevent my be- 
ing- seized and returned back to captivity. In this story, I 
mixed just as much truth, and just as much falsehood, as would 
render it probable, and deceive an enemy. And the substance 
of it was what 1 staled to this man ; subject, however, to such 
variations as circumstances would require. And at the time, I 
had no reproaches of conscience for this falsehood. It was, I 
supposed, justified by expedience or necessity. But I nov?' 
wholly condemn this reasoning. I have no idea it can be 
right to tell a lie to any rational being- in the universe to save 
my life, or even my soul. I now protest against all lies, in every 
shape, or form ; whether lies of levity, vanity, convenience, 
interest, fear or malignity. 

Lying- is entirely inconsistent with obedience or trust in 
God, whether we run into it to avoid the greatest danger, or 
obtain the greatest good. Peter supposed, that, to save kis 
own life he must abjure all knowledge of Christ. But did he 
do right ? 1 have never heard him justified. He did not jus- 
tify himself, for when he reflected on what he had done, he 
went out and wept bitterly. 

5 



50 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

peaceful retreat for the whole day. But, some- 
time after, the man who visited the barn had 
left it, a number of children came up to it, and 
placed their hands against the door and gave it 
a violent shaking, crying out at the same time, 
" Come out you run-away, you thief, you rob- 
ber," and then retreated with grcut precipita- 
tion. But I did not remove out of my bed, 
hoping they might not give me another such 
honorable salute. But it was not long before 
they appeared again, and cried out, '* Come 
out you old rogue, you run-away, you thief. 
We know you are here, for Daddy heard you 
cough." And then, retreated as before. And 
I retreated also, fearing some older children 
might honor me with a visit and find out in very 
deed that I was a run-away. 

After I had experienced so many narrow es- 
capes, and had now passed, as I supposed, and as 
proved to be the fact, beyond all further danger 
from foraging parties, scouts, and patrol of a 
military character ; and though the fever was still 
upon me, yet it seemed rather to abate, than to 
be aggravated by all the exposure, cold, storms, 
fatigues, fears, anxieties and privations I endur- 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 51 

ed, I inferred with great confidence, that it 
was the design of AhniglMy God, that I should 
yet again see home ; and entering a wood, 
where no human eye could see me, I fell upon 
my knees, and looking up to heaven, I attributed 
to him all ray deliverances, and all the under- 
standing, assistance and strength by which I had 
been sustained; and besought the continuance 
of his mercy to extricate me from all remain- 
ing danger, and sufferings, and to complete my 
deliverance. 1 arose, and now went forward 
more than ever, under a sense of the Divine 
goodness and protection. 



LETTER IV 



Kind treatment by a woman — The woods, supposed 
impossibility of living to pass them — The steel-heart- 
ed lady — The contrast — Affecting circumstances of a 
night passed in, a pious family. 

I come now to a day, in which various and 
interesting incidents occurred. I now ventur- 
ed to travel in open day-light, and no longer 
to ask protection from the sable honors of an 
absent sun. Commencitig my journey early 
in the morning, I came to a large and respect- 
able dwelling house, and thinking it time to 
seek something to nourish my feeble frame ; 
for appetite I had scarcely any ; I entered it, 
neatness, wealth and plenty seemed to reside 
there. Among the inmates of it a decent wo- 
man, who appeared to be the mistress of the 
family, and a tailor, who was mounted upon a 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 53 

large table and plying his occupation, were all 
that attracted my notice. To the lady I ex- 
pressed my wants, telling her, at the same time, 
which was my invariable practice^ if she cotdd 
impart to me a morsel, it must be a mere act of 
charity, giving, and hoping to. receive nothing 
ao^ain. For poverty was a companion of which 
I could not rid myself. She made no objec- 
tions, asked no questions, but promptly furnish- 
ed me with the dish of light food, I desired. 
Expressing my obligations to her, I rose to de- 
part. But, going round through another room 
she met me in the front entry, placed an hat 
on my head, put an apple-pie in my hand, and, 
said, "you will want this before you get through 
the woods." I opened my mouth to give vent 
to the grateful feelings, with which my heart 
was filled. But she would not tarry to hear a 
word, and instantly vanished out of my sight. 
The mystery of her conduct, as I suppose, was 
this ; she, her family and properly, were under 
British government. She was, doubtless, well 
satis'ied, that 1 was a prisoner escaping from 
the hands of the English ; and if she granted 
me any protection or succor, knowing me to be 
*5 



54 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

such, it might cost the family the confiscation 
of all their estate. She did not, therefore, wish 
to ask me any questions, or hear me explain 
who I was, within heaiing of that tailor. He 
might turn out to he a dangerous informer. I 
then departed, hut this mark of kindness was 
more than I could well bear, and as I went on 
for some rods, the tears flowed copiously. 
What a melting power there is in human kind- 
ness ! — The recollection of her humanity and 
pity, revives in my breast even now, the same 
feeling of gratitude towards her. O, how true 
are Solomon's words, " A man that hath friends 
must show himself friendly." 

Indeed there were but two things that could 
thus dissolve me in my greatest sufferings and 
dangers ; and these were, an act of real kind- 
ness and compassion from a stranger, and 
the thoirght of the pungent grief, my misfor- 
tunes must occasion to the kindest of moth- 
ers. As to my father, his paternal affection 
and care had been long sleeping in the grave. 

But by and by I began to recollect and con- 
sider what the lady meant by the woods. I 
supposed it possible there might be a forest, 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPflVE. 55 

four or five miles in length, through which I 
must pass ; — of the real fact I had not the least 
anticipation. But very soon I came to the 
woods, and found a narrow road of deep loose 
sand, leading through them. The bushes, on 
both sides grew hard up to the waggon-ruts, 
and there was not a step of a side walk of 
more' solid ground, and the travelling was very 
laborious. But 1 pressed on with what strength 
I had, and after a few miles supposed I was 
nearly through the wilderness, and began to 
look ahead for cleared land and human dwell- 
ings, but none appeared. After I had with 
great labor and almost insupportable distress 
travelled a distance, I deemed at least,: nine 
miles, I m(.^t two men pressing on in a direc- 
tion opposite to my own. They seemed to be 
in a hurry, and anxious to know how far I had 
come in these woods. " About nine miles, 
said I, how far have you come in them ?" 
They replied, " about the same distance," and 
immediately pushed forward, asking me no 
other question. Then said I to myself, '• Here 
I make my grave ; farewell thoughts of home, 
and all earthly expectations ; here I must lie 



56 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

down and die !'» My feet were swelled so, that 
the tumefaction hung over the tops of my shoes 
for three-fourths of an inch, and I was about to 
seek out a favorable spot to lie down and rise 
no more. But at this insiant something seemed 
to whisper to me, " Will it not be jus^t as well 
if you must die, to die standing up and walk- 
ing ?" I could not say no,— and resolved to 
walk on till I fell down dead. And this whis- 
per has been of great service to me in after 
life. When I have been ready to sink in dis- 
couragement under difficulties and troubles, or 
opposition and persecution. For I have since 
found that the Old Jersey was not the only 
abode of inhumanity and woe ; but the whole 
world is but one great prison-house of guilty, 
sorrowful, and dying men, who live in pride, 
envy and mahce, 'Miateful and hating one 
another." 

When I say, " I have been ready to sink 
under such trials," I have recollected these 
woods and said, " Willit not be as well to die 
standing up as lying down ?" And thus I have 
taken courage and gone forward, and the result 
has been as auspicious. For such was the good- 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 57 

ness of God, that I was carried through this 
Long Island wilderness, and a little before sun- 
set I discovered, as it were, land at no great 
distance. 

The first house I came to at the east end of 
these woods, I entered in quest of humanity and 
pity. But these virtues appeared not to be at 
home there. Every thing without and within, 
denoted a situation happily above penury, or 
the trials, vexations, and griefs of poverty. A 
degree of elegance and neatness appeared. 
In the kitchen I discovered a number of fish 
just touched with salt and hung up and dried. 
My feverish appetite fixed on a piece of one of 
these fish, as a rasher that might taste well. I 
besought the lady of the house to give me a 
very small bit, but my request was not granted. 
I repeated it again and again. But her denial 
was irrevocable. Now thought I, I will try an 
experiment, and measure the hardness of your 
heart. So I stated to her my sickly, desUtute 
condition, told her, she might judge by my 
appearance, that I was overwhelmed by mis- 
fortune, and had been very unsuccessful at sea. 
I wished her to consider how she would be de- 



58 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

lighted had she a brother, or dear friend, suffer- 
ing in a strange land, if any one should stretch 
out to hira the hand of reHef, — minister to his 
neces' ities, wipe away his tears, and console 
his heart. Indeed 1 suggested every thought 
and plea of which I was master, that could 
move an heart not made of steel. And what 
was it all for ? For a piece of dried, blue fish, 
not more than two inches square ! And did 1 
succeed ? No. All my intreaties were vain, 
— so without murmuring, or casting on her any 
reflection, I took my leave. 

Here, O woman, thou didst for once forget 
thyself, and forfeit thy character for humanity 
and pity. After I was gone, I presimae thou 
didst reflect upon thine own insensibility, and 
reproach thyself, and 1 most cheerfully forgive 
thee. 

Passing on but a [ew rods, I entered another 
human dwelling, and what renders the circum- 
stance that took place, the more to be noticed 
is, it appeared to be a tavern. I expressed 
my wants to a lady, who I had no doubt, was 
the mistress of the house. By the cheerful- 
ness and good nature depicted in her counte- 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 59 

nance and her first movements, I knew my 
suit was granted, and 1 bad nothing more to 
say, than to apprize her that I' was pennyless. 
And if she afforded me any relief she rnnst do 
it hoping for nothing again. Now, behold the 
contrast! In a (ew moments she placed on 
the table a bowl of bread and milk, the whole 
of one of those fish roasted, that I had begged 
for in vain at the other house, and a mug of 
cider. And, says she, " sit down and eat." 
But her mercy came near to cruelty, in its con- 
sequences ; for although I was aware of the 
danger, yet 1 indulged too freely. My fever 
was soon enraged to violence, and I was filled 
with alarm. 

It was now growing dark and I went but a 
short distance farther, and entered an house 
and begged the privilege of lodging by the fire. 
My request was granted, and I sat down in si- 
lence, too sick and distressed , to do or say 
any thing. But I could see and hear. There 
was no one in the house but the man and his 
wife. They appeared to be plain, open heart- 
ed, honest people, who never had their ^minds 
elated with pride, nor their taste perverted by 



60 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

false refinement, or that education, which just 
unfits persons to be useful and happy in the 
common walks of life. 

They possessed good common sense, which 
is the best kind of sense. Every thing within 
indicated economy and neatness, order and 
competence. But what was better than all 
this, they appeared to be cordial iViends to each 
other. It was indeed one of the few happy 
matches, — nor was this all, for I soon per- 
ceived, they were united by still higher princi- 
ples than mere conjugal affection— it was evi- 
dent that the fear of God -had took up its resi- 
dence there. Before it became late in the 
evening the man took his Bible and read a 
chapter, and that widi a tone and air, that in- 
duced me to think he believed it. He then 
arose and devoutly offered up his grateful ac- 
knowledgments and supplications to God, 
through the Mediator. By this time I began 
to think I had gf)t into a safe, as well as a 
hospitable retreat. .They had before made 
many inquiries, not impertinent and captious, 
but such as indicated they feh tenderly, and 
took an interest in my welfare ; but they evi- 



THE OLD JCtlSEY CAPTIVE. 61 

dently obtained no satisfaction from my an- 
swers, for I was too weary and distressed to 
take painsHo form or relate any -thing like a 
consistent story. And I was the less careful to 
do it from my supposed safety, founded on their 
evident fear of God, and kind feelings. But 
they seemed as if they could not rest till they 
had drawn from me the real truth, though they 
gave not tlie least hint that might reproach me 
for the want of truth and honesty. At last I 
resolved I would treat him so no longer. I 
would throw off the mask, rsik all consequen- 
ces, and let them into the real secret of my 
condition, and said, '* You have asked me many 
questions tliis evening, and I have told you 
nothing, but falsehoods. Now hear the truth. 
1 am a prisoner, making my escape from the 
Old Jersey, at New York. Of the horrors of 
this dreadful prison you may have been inform- 
ed. There, after many sufferings, I was brought 
to have no prospect before me but certain death. 
But by a remarkable and unexpected interpo- 
sition of Providence \ got on shore, and having 
had many hair-breadih escapes, T have reached 
this place, and am how lodged under your hos- 



62 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

pitable roof. I am loaded with disease ; and 
am in torment from the thousands of vermin 
which are now devouring my flesh. I have 
dear and kind friends in Connecticut, and 1 
am now aiming to regain my native home. 
The kindest of mothers is now probably, weep- 
ing for me as having, ere this, perished in my 
captivity, never more expecting to see her 
child. Thus I have told you the real truth. I 
have put my life in your hand. Go and inform 
against me and I shall be taken back to the 
Prison ship, and death will be inevitable." I 
ceased to speak, and all was profound silence. 
It took some time to recover themselves from 
a flood of tears in which they were bathed. At 
last the kind and amiable woman said, " Let 
us go and bake his clothes." No sooner said 
than the man seized a brand of fire and threw 
it into the oven. The woman provided a clean 
suit of clothes to supply the place of mine till 
they had purified them by fire. The work 
done, a clean bed was laid down, on which I 
was to rest, and rest I did as in a new world ; 
for I had got rid of a swarm of cannibals, whe 
were without mercy eating me up alive ! — And 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 63 

what think you were my views and impressions 
in resiard to what had here passed? Never before 
or since, have I seen a more just, practical com- 
ment on that religion, which many profess, but 
few properly exemplify : " I was an hungered* 
and ye gave me meat, a stranger, and ye took 
me in, sick and ye visited me." With wonder 
and gratitude these words shined ,in my very 
soul. Well might I have said, O Jesus, is this 
the religion thou hast given to the human fami- 
ly ? If it universally prevailed, the woes of 
man would be relieved, and heaven would come 
down to earth. This happy couple vvho are 
now, in all probability, called away by their 
gracious Redeemer, to fill a mansion in the 
skies, and are now rejoicing before the 
throne of Him whom they supremely loved, 
appeared to enjoy a rich reward in the mercy 
they had shown to a wretched stranger. It was 
all they asked. It was all performed with such 
cheerfulness, such tenderness, simplicity and 
ease, as gave to Christianity by which it was 
prompted, a beauty, which must have com- 
pelled the infidel to admire what he affects to 
disbelieve. 



64 THC OLD JDPvSEY CAPTIVE, 

Jn the morning I took my leave of this dear 
family, who had enchanted and riveted my 
soul to them by their kindness, in esteem and 
gratitude, which have for fifty years suffered 
na abatement. 

I learned of them a lesson of humanity, I 
have ever remembered and ever wished to imi- 
tate. The day was clear, and after travelling 
a short distance, 1 threw myself down on the 
sunny side of a stinted pitch pine, upon a bed 
of warm sand. And what a deliverance did I 
now' find I had experienced. My body was 
no longer food for millions. I rested as on a 
bed of down. 



LETTER V. 



Arrival at Sag-Harbor — Kindness met with in a public 
house — Story of the sloop and whaleboat — Escape to 
New London, after being captured by an American 
privateer near Plumb Island — Relapse of fever — Un- 
able to travel — Reaches home at Plainfield, (Conn.) 
by assistance — Life despaired of — Fearful views of 
eternity — Gives up himself as lost, forever. , 

Omitting the notice of intervening circum- 
stances and events, in about a week after this 
J. found myself at Sag-Harbor, at the east end 
of Long Island. Nor did the kind Providence 
of God here forsake me. Again I found hu- 
manity and pity in a public house. I was per- 
mitted to lie by a warm fire, (a great luxury, 
the weather having become cold,) while two 
others of my companions on board the same 

engine of perdition to American seamen, hav- 
*6 



66 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 



ing made their escape, were denied this favor, 
and had to take lodgings in the barn. While 
lying on my bed of down, (the warm brick 
hearth,) the door of an adjoining room where 
our host and his lady slept, being open, I heard 
her say, " I could not consent that the other 
two should lodge in the house, but I pitied this 
young man." But I could see no cause for 
this difference of feeling in the woman, but the 
agency of Him who hath all hearts in his hand. 
In a few days an opportunity of crossing the 
Sound presented. A whale boat with a com- 
mission to make reprisals upon the enemy came 
into the harbor. Her crew, as I supposed, were 
a set of honest good farmers, who resided at 
Norwich in Cohnecticut, where I was born, and 
knew my connections. They agreed to give 
me a passage to New London. A sloop also 
came into the harbor with- a like commission, 
and with a permit to bring a family from Con- 
necticut, who belonged on the Island. This 
boat and sloop made sail together, one bound 
to New London, the other to Seabrook. But 
the weather being very boisterous, the boat was 
in danger, so we all went on board the sloop, 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 67 

and the boat was made fast to her by a tow- 
line. Bill at no great distance from Plumb 
Island, a privateer, v\hich proved to be out of 
Stonington, pounced upon us ; and, under the 
suspicion of our being illicit traders, carried us 
all into New London. And here a scene of 
wickedness was developed, of which I could 
not have supposed my honest friends had been 
capable. An agent had been sent to New 
York with golden armor, and he had obtained 
a quantity of dry goods and brought them to 
Sag-Harbor. Here the cruising whale boat 
was to receive and carry them to New Lon- 
don, where they would be libelled ; and some 
of the crew were to come into court, and give 
oath that they were taken from the enemy by 
virtue of their commission. And thus a trade 
was carried on with the enemy to an indefinite 
extent. These goods were put on board the 
sloop, svhen the boat was made fast to her. 
And when the privateer appeared and we could 
not escape from her, the captain of the sloop 
agreed to declare the goods were his, and that 
he had taken them as a lawful prize from the 
enemy. And the crew of the whale boat, the 



68 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

purchasers and owners of the goods were to 
swear they saw him do it. The goods being 
condemned, the captain of the' sloop was then 
to act like an honest rogue, and to restore them 
to the, crew of the boat. But after the goods 
were actually condemned and the crew of the 
boat, the real owners had in open court sworn 
that the goods were his by lawful capture ; the 
captain of the sloop thought he had now a fair 
opportunity to play upon them a profitable 
trick ; accordingly, he refused to restore them, 
and went off with the goods, sloop and all, to 
Connecticut river. But the crew of the boat 
were not willing thus to quit all claim to the 
goods, though they had sworn they were not 
theirs, and contrived to have the sloop with the 
goods again seized. And I, who knew the 
whole story, was sent for as a witness. And by 
my testimony, and that of one of the whale 
boat's crew, who had not testified before that, 
the goods were captured by the captain of the 
sloop, the real truth came -to light, and both 
sloop and goods were condemned ; so that the 
crew of the whale boat ultimately obtained, not 
only their goods, but the sloop also, as an illicit 



THE OLD JEIISEY CAPTIVE. G9 

trader. And thus the treachery of the cap- 
tain did not prove so gainful as he intended. 
He was taken in his own craftiness. An event 
so common, that it is a matter of wonder that 
all rogues do not grow sick of their villany. 

In this business it was hard to tell, who were 
the most unprincipled offenders ; who thought 
least of the guilt of perjury, and trampling un- 
der foot the laws of their country. Tliese 
cruizing boats were sometimes guilty of great 
injustice and barbarity towards the peaceful 
and friendly inhabitants of the Isiand. 

There was no small excitement at Sag-Har- 
bor, when I first arrived there, by what had 
just been done by one of them. They entered 
an house, and not content with other plunder, 
they tore from the neck of a woman just con- 
fined, her golden necklace. How awfully true 
are the words of Paul : " For they that will be 
rich fall into temj)tation and a snare, and into 
many foolish tv.id hurtful lusts, which drown 
men in destruction and perdition. For the love 
of money is the root of all evil." 1 Tim. vi. 
9, 10. 



70 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 



I had now travelled an hundred and fifty 
miles, and was safely landed at New London. 
And to me it was a great mercy, that we were 
captured by the privateer out of Stonington ; 
otherwise I should have been carried into Con- 
necticut river, much farther from home. But 
no sooner did I set my foot down in a land of 
safety, than I immediately sank under the pow- 
er of that disease which had preyed upon me 
ever since I left the Prison ship. It will, per- 
haps, scarcely be believed, that I could have 
travelled so far, encountered such hardships, 
braved the chilling storms of autumn, put up 
in the cold retreat of barns, shivering in wet 
clothes, drenched in rain, without medicine,* 
nursing, or any diet commonly esteemed prop- 
er, and yet all this time have been under the 
operation of an inveterate and settled fever. I 
should myself, have judged, that scarcely any 
person could, in such a condition, have sur- 
vived, [should have supposed his fever must 
have come to a speedy crisis, and he must, 
most probably, have died. But this was not 
the case. The fever did not seem to be on the 
whole much increased, but it stuck fast to me. 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 71 

And what follows will put this matter out of 
question. After arriving at New London I 
could travel only about three miles ; and all my 
strength failed, under the revived power and 
rage of the fever. But in this, perhaps, the 
kind hand of woman had some agency. The 
lady at Sag-Harbor, who pressed me in her 
pity, thought of my welfare after I 'should leave 
her house ; and, unsolicited, gave me a meat 
pie and a bottle of cider. Though I had not 
much relish for the pie, yet my thirst tempted 
me to drink of the liquid. I had before drank 
freely at the press without injury. But here is 
the difference : the cider in the bottle was fer- 
mented. I think it had some hand in produc- 
ing a relapse. 

When I could go no farther, T found a man, 
who was kind enough to carry me up to Nor- 
wich Landing. And I tarried there with a rel- 
ative till my friends at Plainfield were informed 
of my arrival, and my eldest brother came with 
a carriage to help me home. The first night I 
lodged with a brother at Canterbury. This 
night I deemed myself to be flying, and going 
directly to my long home. But the next day. 



7^ THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

I SO revived as to reach the dwelling of my 
mother. A most afFeciioiiaie mother, who al- 
ways seemed willing to live or die for the good 
of her children, and who had made up her mind 
to submit to the will of God, and never more 
to see her son, and a child broken down with 
sickness and other calamities, and needing all 
her soothing attentions, can imagine what a kind 
of meeting it was! For a day or two it seemed 
to me I was getting belter. J w^as unwilling to 
be sick any longer. I now wished to live and 
enjoy home ; and I almost resolved I would no 
longer complain of pain or weakness. 1 would 
get well at all events. But the will of God was 
not so, and I perceived it was vain to strive with 
my Maker. My resolution failed, my heart 
sunk. I took my bed, and, as almost every 
one supposed, to rise no more. The doctor 
was sent for. And that every wave of sorrow 1- 
and discouragement might break upon me and 
sink me to the lowest depth, he said to a friend, t 
" I could not recover, unless I was all made * 
over new ;" and a young man of my acquaint- f 
ance told me of it. My fever raged — I felt a .. 
pain in my head, piercing as if a sword had 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 73 

been run through it — my reason fled. For 
about three weeks I was in a state of perfect 
derangement, and not able to articulate a word 
so as to be understood. I remember making 
the attempt. My sister listened and listened, 
but could not understand me, and I ceased from 
the effort as in vain. But it is a great mistake 
to suppose deranged people have no thoughts, 
and are insensible to suffering and pain. 

In my derangement 1 lost all idea of being 
a human creature. I felt and saw myself to 
be a very stately tree, whose trunk soon divided 
itself into three great branches. I saw nothing 
of the form of a man about me, and was not 
conscious there was any such being in the uni- 
verse. By some means, one of these great 
branches was split down, and the pain of this 
disaster was immense. 

It may seem strange, but of all this I have 
ever since preserved a perfect remembrance, 
as of a thing, that had taken place in the full 
exercise of my reason. But in the midst of 
this periodof derangement I had a short, though 
perfectly lucid interval. Heaven and earth, 
time and eternity, life and death, God and re- 



tej 



74 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

ligion, again assumed the character of moment- 
ous realities. I now found myself, as I sup- 
posed, just breathing my last. My spirit just 
quitting its tenement of clay. But my views 
and feelings now were such as to set at nought, 
all the powers of description. I had heretofore 
been pft awakened to a, sense of danger as a sin- 
ner. The first instance of it, took place when I 
was about ten years old, but I as often relapsed 
again into sin. I had offered up to heaven innu- 
merable prayers, and was sometimes ready 
to think I understood and possessed religion, 
though I could get no strong hold of the divine 
promises, nor enjoy much comfort in the hope 
of final salvation. 

The fact was, I knew but little about myself. 
I was very mnch a stranger to my own heart. 
But now my whole inner man seemed to be 
made as luminous as the most transparent glass. 
It seemed as though nothing good or bad, could 
lurk in any corner of it unseen ; till this mo- 
ment I never had an idea of any such self- 
knowledge. But as to any thing truly pure 
Bnd holy, my soul appeared a perfect blank. 
As to external actions, though I could have 



I^THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 75 

made out a list of them, equal, perhaps, to some 
other self-righteous man ; yet my mind was 
perfectly turned away from these, as not to be 
thought of, and fixed on the state of my heart. 
In it I could discover no feeling, exercise or 
emotion, on which I could* rest as genuine re- 
pentance towards God and faith in the Lord 
Jesus Christ. For aught I could see my re- 
ligion went no farther than that of devils ; like 
them I did believe, I did tremble. For 1 had 
a deep conviction of all the awful realities of a 
future state, as revealed in the Gospel. - But 
it seemed now absolutely too late to ask or ex- 
pect any mercy. I ceased to pray. I gave 
myself up to certain damnation,. and sunk down 
in perfect and black despair. But this I now 
know to be a criminal unbelief. It was nothing 
but pride and hardness of heart, that prevented 
my coming to Christ, in what now appeared my 
last moment. But though I supposed it to be 
certain, that God intended to cast my soul into 
hell, I did not feel any sensible or raging en- 
mity rising against him. 

I was so guilty, and so justly condemned, 
that my mouth was completely stopped. And 



'^^^■^^M^^k.-.i •^■..J.tUb^ 



76 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

dreadful as was my state of mind, I had not the 
least confidence in any of those refuges of lies, 
in which proud, healthy, prosperous sinners 
can hide themselves. The hail of God's wrath 
pouring down upon my soul, swept them away. 
Infidelity could afford me no aid. I could no 
more doubt the truth of what the Bible sailh of 
the future state of the wicked, than I could 
doubt my own existence. As to guilt, re- 
morse, terror and despair, I was then in hell, 
and how could I doubt its reality ? 

I had in some period of my hfe tried to be 
a Universalist, and great pains had been taken 
by a medical friend of liberal education to 
make me so. But in this awful crisis, this doc- 
trine appeared to me to be folly and madness. 
It afforded not the least gleam of hope. It had 
not the power of a straw to ward off the light- 
ning of heaven's wrath. For I knew the Holy 
Ghost had said, "Without holiness no man 
shall see the Lord." And I had a perfect con- 
viction that I was not the subject, of even the 
least degree of this holiness. I said to myself, 
" In a few minutes I shall know what hell is ;" 
and was rather impatient to be gone, and know 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 77 

the worst of it. But now, as might be expect- 
ed under this terrible and overwhelming view of 
my situation, my reason again fled. 

About ten days after this, an unexpected and 
favorable crisis was formed in my disease, and 
I awaked as it were out of the grave. I say, 
unexpected, for my death was looked for as 
certain. A joiner, who lived near at hand, af- 
terward told me, that having seen me the even- 
ing before, and my brother calling at his house 
the next morning,' he did not ask him howl 
did, having no doubt, but he had come to speak 
for my coffin. Dr. Parish, who was then fit- 
ting for college at the academy at Plainfield, 
likewise told me, that he not only regretted my 
death as certain, but the suspension of his 
studies to attend my funeral. 

When I found myself recovering, it occa- 
sioned a kind of regret on the ground, that I 
should have the affair of dying all to go over 
again. But still I could not but consider my- 
self as a brand plucked from everlasting burn- 
ings. But it turned out in the end, that this 
fearful view of the certain perdition of such as 
die impenitent, did not convert my soul. I en- 



78 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

tered into many solemn vows, ever after, to live 
to God; but I proved unfaithful to these vows. 
For it is not in the nature of an unconverted 
heart, to be steadfast and faithful in a covenant 
with God. 

There were at this time, certain evangelical 
and important truths, of which I was not con- 
vinced, and without which I conceive there can 
be no sound conversion. I did not know what 
it was to be dead in trespasses and sins. 
Though I found my heart wa'S not right in the 
sight of God, yet I did not know that I was 
such a slave to sin, that there was no moral 
power in me ever to turn from it, to the real 
love of holiness. Hence, to change my heart 
and lead an holy life, I secretly depended on 
myself, and not on a divine influence. This, 
I fear, is the great error of thousands. Hence 
their awakenings and their conversions come 
to nothing. This entire moral helplessness and 
dependence on the Spirit of God, to give a 
new heart and power to live a new life, I trust 
I was afterwards taught by experience to un- 
derstand. 

Another circumstance of spiritual darkness 



THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 79 

was, I did not possess a clear view of the es- 
sential and momentous distinction between false 
religious affections, and such as were genuine. 
I was ready to think all sorrow for sin, all 
kinds of repentance, all kinds of love to God 
and Christ were real religion. But this I af- 
terwards found to be a most dangerous er- 
ror. Like Peter's love to Christ when he 
would not have him go up to Jerusalem 
and suffer; so a great deal of love to God 
is nothing but hatred. , Some may love him so 
well, that they cannot bear to hear his true 
character ascribed to Him. They think it is 
heaping dishonor upon Him, which they cannot 
bear,— Is this true love? At last, I trust I 
found that no love of God has any religion in 
it but that, which primarily arises in the soul, 
from a view of the infinite excellence and moral 
beauty of the divine character, considered just 
as it is, independent of all selfish considera- 
tions. 

It is a grand discovery in religion to find, 
that the greatest and most glorious, and even 
the very least exercise of it, consists in that 
charity, which seeketh not its own. For the 



80 THE OLD JERSEY CAPTIVE. 

want of this discovery how does selfishness, il- 
liberal) ty, avarice, indifference to the honor of 
God, and the best interests of men, prevail in 
the character of many professors of Godliness. 
Some time in the latter part of October, 
1781, I arrived at home. And near the close 
of winter I so far regained my health, through 
the great kindness of the God of love, as to en- 
gage in the instruction of a school, in the town 
where I resided ; and since that period almost 
my whole life has been devoted to the instruc- 
tion of youth, and preaching the everlasting 
Gospel. And whether my life has been in any 
degree useful, or whether it would have been, 
as to the glory of God and the good of man- 
kind, as well that I should have made my grave 
in the Old Jersey, will doubtless be made man- 
ifest in the last day. Of one thing I am cer- 
tain, that is, it becomes me to say to the God 
of unchanging love, in review of the whole 
history of my life, — 

" Thy thoughts of love to me surmount, 
The power of numbers to recount." 



THE END. 

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